Gav's Top 10 Worst Hook Lines!

OK, this has got to be a particularly silly top ten list, and, as always, its totally subjective and subject to change at a moment's notice, but here goes:

10) Mouldy Old Dough. Lieutenant Pigeon. (1972) This song pretty much consisted of the words Mouldy Old Dough repeated ad infinitum. This wasn't the only odd thing about Lieutenant Pigeon. The piano player's mother Hilda, was also a member of the band - making this song the only UK #1 to feature a mother & son line-up.

9) Let's Talk About Sex. Salt N Pepper. (1991) No, let's not. Everyone knows that people who like to talk about sex just aren't getting any!

8) Get It On (Bang a Gong). T.Rex. (1971) Hmmm - that really makes a lot of sense, Not! The 'Get It On' bit is fair enough - but when the gong gets involved it just looses me completely.

7) Ring of Fire. Johnny Cash. (1963) - Possibly written after a meal of hot chilli? Surely someone as worldly wise as old Johnny must have been aware of the double entendre here. Actually the song was co-written by Johnny's wife June, so he may have had little choice about the odd title. Either way it became one of his biggest hits. In 2004 Cash's daughter went to court to prevent the use of the song in a TV commercial advertising haemorrhoid relief products.

6) Me and You and a Dog Named Boo. Lobo. (1971) A dog named what? I bet that's not what he told his mates to call him. And how dumb do you want to sound when you're calling your dog in for the night? Surely they could have thought of a better word to rhyme with 'You'. For example, what would have been wrong with a dog named Stewart?

5) (Come On Baby) Light My Fire. The Doors. (1967) An incredibly corny offering from a band who wouldn't have gained anywhere near the level of fame they have today if their horrendously overrated and under-talented singer hadn't contrived to kill himself 'before his time'. I mean, honestly, try sidling up to a hot babe at a party and popping this one.....

4) Making Whoopee. Ella Fitzgerald, Frank Sinatra et al. (from circa 1930). A stupid euphemism for 'Get It On' from the days when it was just soooo not done to say the words 'making love' in public (or possibly for that matter in private either). Instead all those old timers invented this novel way to talk about sex (see number 9 above) whilst their kids merely wondered what could be so exciting about a joke cushion.

3) Glad To Be Gay. Tom Robinson. (1978) Contrived as a gay rights anthem, and banned by the BBC, this song made Tom Robinson into the penultimate gay icon of late 70s England. What makes all this more than a little ludicrous is that Tom then fell in love - with a woman, married, and become a dad.

2) Boom Boom Boom (Let's Go Back To My Room). Paul Lekakis. (1986) Oh Please! Barf!!

1) Ring My Bell. Anita Ward. (1979) The only possible way to beat this silly title would have been to call it 'Bell My Ring'. This song was truly awful in every way - and therefore an instant dance club classic - also making it our Number One Worst Hook Line Of All Time! Wow!